Do you wanna pick up that name you just dropped?

What we have here folks is a little bit of history. If you don't count my week-long vacation from which I've just returned, this is the third straight weekday that I have posted. I really don't know what's wrong with me, and I have no idea how long this streak will last, but you people all better enjoy it while you can because - let's face it - you're witnessing brilliance at its most brilliantest.

Anyway, I just want to mention two quick things before I go off and celebrate my greatness. The first is that I'd like to congratulate Phil Mickelson on winning his second major tournament, The PGA Championship, today in New Jersey. Now, I know you're probably asking yourself why I am congratulating another human being, which is understandable considering it's not in my nature. Well, get this choccos, Phil is yet another member of the Super Awesome June 16th Birthday Club first mentioned here. So, by my unofficial count (mainly because I know there are more stellar members out there I just don't know about yet), The Club includes an MLB All-Star, and Olympic Gold medalist, a rising rock superstar, the absolute greatest rap artist of all time, a two time golf major champion, and one of the most disappointing humans to ever live.

The second thing I want to mention is something that has bothered me for most of my lyfe. It all started back in 5th grade when I had my Confirmation and chose "Xavier" as my name. I really liked that name to begin with, but my main reason for choosing it was that I wanted my initials to look as much like a random year in Roman Numerals as possible that you might see at the end of the credits on TV and in the movies - JJXDIV. Now, and I can even see it happening as you're reading this, when some of you people are reading the name "Xavier" you're pronouncing it in your head (or for those of you like me who always read aloud) "X-avier". Guess what people, that's not how you say it. Do you people walk around saying things like:

"Hi R-odney! Nice weather we're having today, huh?"

or,

"Did you get that finger that I sent you, L-aToya?"

or,

"D-avid, please take your hand off my thigh."

or,

"I sure like you better when you aren't talking, J-ennifer."

No, of course, people don't say names that way. Why, you ask? Because it's retarded. The letter "X" is a letter just like any other letter in the alphabet. You don't have to speak the letter separately from the other letters it's with in a word. Sure, it's one of the few tricky letters out there, but if you can figure out that the word "centipede" isn't pronounced "kentipede", and (especially) "Xerox" is pronounced "Zerocks", than surely you can say "Zavier" when you see the name "Xavier". I mean, come on. If I know you personally, and you are one of the "X-avier" people, consider this a chance for a clean slate. From now on if the name comes up in a conversation between us, you'll now say it the right way because I've given you enough of a warning to stop saying it like a retard. The beauty of it is that I'll never know you said it the wrong way in the past, plus you get to keep both of your ears for the future. It's a win-win situation. You're welcome.

RANDOM FACT: The Jonathan Frakes versions of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction? are about a million times better than the James Brolin versions.