Not So Random Thoughts Vol. III

A long time ago we used to be friends, but I haven't posted much lately at all. To make up for the lack of kindess and decency (wow, that doesn't look right spelled out, kind of like "practice") not only am I giving you a new lenghty post, but I have also changed the layout of this site as well as Smush Watch - which I should probably be starting up again sometime soon. Probably. Anyway, I brought about this change for two reasons:

Reason The First: I really started to get sick of how the old layout looked - it was too "early-2002ish" for me. With this new design, I am now more "late-2004ish" which is right where I want to be.

Reason The Second: I actually have things I want to write about now so this new design will motivate me to write and you will probably think it's better than it really is because the site looks so much better. It's kind of like watching The Chronicles of Narnia in HD (which I actually did yesterday - trust me, it works). Now, onto the nonsensensical and meaningless.

- Is anyone else as disturbed as I am on how bad that the American flag looks backwards? Now I understand that there are specific reasons why you see soldiers wear the flag backwards, but that should be the only place you see it presented that way, and it still doesn't look right. There is no good reason why flags displayed in the front of houses or buildings, or on cars, or on athletes' uniforms should ever be backwards. It's like when you ask someone the score of a football game, for example, and they say that the Dolphins won, 17 to 24. I know what you're thinking - the Dolphins don't win football games anymore - but still, you get the point. Displaying the flag backwards to me looks as wrong as holding a dog or a cat in front of a mirror (which is why I believe that pets shouldn't have reflections). The idea is still there, but it's insulting. We wouldn't have this problem if we just adopted the greatest flag of all time, like we should after we're done invading Canada. So, in summary, backwards score-giving, dog and cat reflections, and backwards-flag displaying drives me crazy. Keep those in mind the next time I'm around you.



- Speaking of American things that I hate, this new John Mellencamp songs might make me go on a killing spree. If you've watched any of the baseball playoffs, or football games over the past month, then you no doubt have heard his new song, "Our Country." Now I know that making fun of John Mellencamp is worthless because he's John Mellencamp and that should be enough, but if his goal was to write a song about America that could be used as stock music to be played with a video montage featuring footage of the Liberty Bell, jets soaring majestically over landscapes, and grandfathers holding their grandsons (who are holding spraklers) up on their shoulders, before every sporting event for the next fifty years, then he did a bang up job. You know that your career is over when you're forced to write songs about America. The cruel joke there is that it seems like many musicians look forward to get to that point in their careers because it gives them a second wave and rejuvinates them because those songs always do well for some reason. I was thinking about linking you to the lyrics of this song, but that would be a waste of time because you already know them. Even if you haven't heard this song, you know exactly what the lyrics are and what it sounds like because it's so bad and ovbious that it exists in your head already. On our worst day, anyone of us could write that song. It's kind of like any Jet song, Adam Sandler movie, or Mitch Albom book.

- Why is it that everytime parents assume that something bad happened to their children they always think that their kids are lying dead in a ditch somewhere? Do ditches still even exist? I don't think I've ever seen a ditch, but whenever someone's son or daughter gets home later than they said they would, or doesn't call home on time, the first line out of a parent's mouth is always, "I was so worried, I thought you were lying dead in a ditch!" I want to know how this phrase originated because everyone out there has heard it at some point in their lives. Did someone get in a horse and buggy accident years ago, and was injured so bad to a point that he knew he was about to die that he crawled away from the wreckage into a nearby ditch so he could die peacefully without being run over, or eaten by smaller animals? Maybe people think that this is where the mafia dumps their victims perhaps? Could it be that hobos draw unsuspecting children into ditches and challenge them to trivia contests and kill them if they lose or just wound them and leave them lying there if they outsmart them? It's kind of like the chicken and the egg - are you killed in the ditch, or is your dead body just dumped into one? The answer to this question, unfortunately, is in the bottom of a ditch.



- Is anyone else as excited as I am about the recent Wings renaissance? I guess that it techinally started when Tony Shaloub became Monk a few years ago, and it was followed up nicely by Thomas Hayden Church's Oscar nomination for Sideways. Since they weren't the stars though, it wasn't a full on rebirth at that point. All of this changed though in the last two months when the two stars of the show, Tim Daly and Steven Weber triumphantly returned to televison in two shows that are really good, but are in some danger of not staying around too long. Believe it or not, I actually liked Wings, so I want to see this renaissance continue. So, I am begging you to please watch The Nine and Studio 60, not because they are really good shows (cause they aren't) but because Wings needs to be remembered. If you only have time to watch one of those shows, then may I please suggest that you watch The Nine because it will help out the Party of Five renaissance (Scott Wolf) that was set into motion by Matthew Fox and that Jennifer Love Hewitt show. If this doesn't work out then I'm going to pitch a new show about competitive street dancing starring David Schamm (also of Wings, pictured below), Staci Keanan, and Darius McCrary. I'd watch that show.




- Can someone please explain the success of Gnarls Barkley to me? In my opinion, "Crazy" is the most boring popular song I've heard since "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Now, it's true that I only know that song and "Gone Daddy Gone," which is just a weak cover of the more biting and twisted Violent Femmes original version. Maybe it's their name that makes them so well received? If that was the case then The Dandy Warhols, or my band, Tron McEnroe would be just as popular. Maybe it's the fact that they dress up in costumes? That can't be it though because I'm mean really, come on. Someone needs to explain this to me before everyone forgets about them.



Clever.

- My favorite part about each fall, and especially the even numbered ones, are all of the negative campaign commercials. My favorite one is an anti-Bob Casey ad put out by America's favorite least-favorite person, Rick Santorum. Here's a link to a site where you can see this brilliant commercial (if only I could find it on YouTube and embed it here for you...). Hopefully you'll be able to tell why it is my favorite one but in case you can, here's why:

1. Obviously, the voice-over guy, and his complete disbelief of the monster called Bob Casey, Jr..
2. The evil "Halloween"/Micahael Myers music playing in the background.
3. The blurry and smirky Bob Casey picture.
4. The color change of the backgrounds.
5. The lousy quality of the recording of Casey's voice.
6. And, of course, the fact that they keep playing "I would vote yes" over and over again.

Those are six wonderful reasons why this cheaply made commercial is so perfect. It's been a blessing that this commercial is on all the time here in PA because then I get to say "I would vote yes" in my 1920s gangster voice whenever Casey does. Not only do I say it during the commercial, but I say it afterwards for about twenty straight minutes whenever anyone tries to talk to me. It's become my newest catch-phrase, and if Rick Santorum wasn't the dumbest and most pathetic human to ever live then I would have to vote for him simply because of this commercial. Thankfully, though, I'm very mature.

- I am currently in the early stage of what I am calling "John Duffy's Great iPod Shuffle Experiment." Now when I say iPod Shuffle, I don't actually mean the specific "iPod Shuffle" iPod (which is a waste to buy, because all iPods have the shuffle feature), I mean that I've shuffled my 2713 songs and I am going to listen to them straight through. I tried doing this about a two and a half weeks ago and I got up to 464, but lost the order when I injected new songs into it. Since I didn't know you lose your place when you do that I immediatley started again and I am now up to number 382. Up to this point, I've been trying to find interesting shuffle moments, and I've only had two so far.

1. A Be Your Own Pet song was immediately followed by a Sonic Youth song, which was weird because I saw BYOP open for Sonic Youth during the summer.

2. When #227 was winding down, for some reason I started humming the guitar intro to The Beatles', "Octopus's Garden," and when #227 ended, "Octopus's Garden" started playing. I nearly crashed my car when this happened.

3. On the way up to NY last Friday night, Elliot Smith's, "Waltz #2," was playing and it was followed by Elliott Smith's "Baby Britain," which also follow each other on his album, "XO." I only mention this because I always pair these songs together when I think of either one of them, and apparently my iPod does too.

With each post, I'll give you my exciting iPod Shuffle Experiment updates, and we'll see how far I can go. I know you can't wait, but please try to contain yourselves.

- Finally, I recently came across an addictive online game called Line Rider that anyone can play no matter age, sex, or interest level. It's the perfect game for those of you that have to sit in front of a computer all day at work, which is amazing because it's so simple yet awesome. Here's the link to the site, and if you can't figure out how to play it in less than one minute than you should really question all that you think you know about yourself. I've included a very early version of one that I did a few weeks ago below (believe me, I've gotten much better and I only did this one so I could put it to music), and if you want to see ones so good that make you feel both inferior (to the person's skill) and superior (to the person's lack of important skills) then you can look here.



That's all for now. Good talkin' to ya.