Failure's Art: January 2005

Now that Codor's endless Christmas vacation has come to an end, I can get back to posting and such since I now have nothing to do after beating GTA: San Andreas (probably the first game I've beaten since The Mario Brothers circa 1991). Over the next couple of days I plan to finally deliver the fourth installment of The Baby Files, as well as that 2004 list I've been promising, and yes I do realize that it's almost February. I've actually been toying with the idea of never again writing a Baby Files to upset all of you people, kinda like those bands who don't play their hit song, and that one special guy named Wyclef who will come and play a concert at your school but only play other artists' songs from the 80s. God, I will always hate Wyclef. Also for the list I will premeire some material from Codor, a brother-like friend to Failure's Art. He will be a featured player/correspondent for this site much like Rachel Dratch was for SNL for what seemed like 30 years, and like Bob Wiltfong is now for the Daily Show, or like A. Whitney Brown ws for both programs. If things go well then he just might join the cast.

A. Whitney Brown:

Over the weekend some awful, ah I mean awfully hilarious, news was brought to my attention. An unreliable source informed me that fitness celebrity John Basedow of Fitness Made Simple, was washed away in some tsunami that happened a little while ago. You think they would've mentioned something in the news about a tsunami, but oh well. Anyway, I haven't been this shocked since I learned in Undercover Brother that all black people hate mayonaisse. Now this source couldn't confirm that this news was true, so as of now it is right up there with two other rumors that have made a serious impact on my life. The first one was after I saw Back to the Future 2 and heard that there actually were hoverboards on the market in the early to mid 80s but they were all recalled because too many kids hurt themselves. The second rumor I heard was in 6th grade when I was told that Mark-Paul Gosselaar died in a horrific motorcycle accident. Both rumors turned out to be false but they had me going for a while like this one will until I hear otherwise. If this is true however, I have compiled a list of mourners who will be at his funeral: Jake from Body by Jake, Billy Blanks from Tae'bo, that jacked blonde guy with the pony tail from those Gazelle commercials, John Abdo of The Abdo-er, Darrin from Darrin's Dance Grooves, Designing Women's Meshach Taylor, Tom Emanski from those instructional baseball videos, Mari Winsor and Daisy Fuentes from Winsor's Pilates, selected old people on behalf of The Scooter Store, that couple from the Aerobed commercials, and the now 60 year old son of the late, great "I've fallen and I can't get up" woman, and Tony Robbins. A good time will be had by all.

John Basedow: