Caaaalifornia Looove

This is just a post informing you that I will be in San Diego until next Tuesday (June 27th), so don't expect any updates. The NBA Draft is the day after I can get back and I'll be going to it so you can look forward to a post about that. As for the last Talkin' Talkies and the one for this week, there isn't anything good to write about, and the only thing that I really wanted to write about was how it seemed that AWESOME-O 3000 came up with the idea for Adam Sandler's, Click. If you've seen that episode of South Park then you know exactly what I'm talking about. Ok, folks, see ya next week with my thoughts on my trip out west and the NBA Draft. Until then, here's footage of the outro of The Gate by the Sam Roberts Band that I filmed last Thursday night at World Cafe Live.



West Side. West Side.

Happy No Deal (The Baby Files, Volume 6)

Well here it is, post #100. I know that all of you out there can barely contain yourselves now that we're finally at this milestone. I'd say that I wouldn't have been able to make it this far without you, the fans, but that would be a lie. It's not like I get paid to do this, plus it's not like I have album sales or ratings to go by. So, when you think about it, this is all me, and if you happen to read it, that's fine, and if not, that's fine too. However, since I'm a nice guy, I'll give all you loyal readers out there a reward by unretiring The Baby Files, with a little help from YouTube.

In late April, Baby Lentini moved in for good with us as we prepare to sell our house and move into a new one (which is happening sometime in July). Unfortunately for me, she is always in the house and unfortunately for her (and everyone) she is starting to slip. I won't go into details, it's not anything awful or that we can't deal with, but it can be annoying, and it really shows that humans shouldn't be able to live as long as we do. Anyway, since she moved in, she has fallen in love with NBC's game show, Deal or No Deal. Now, just in case you've never seen this most annoying of all games, you still know how to play it. Everyone does. It's really not that hard to understand. Well, except for good old Baby Lentini.

Her version of how the game is played is something short of retarded. It's easy enough as it is, but she is convinced that each case has the same amount of money in it every time the game is played. I'm not too sure on her details, but apparently to her, the even number cases have all the high amount, while the odds have the low. Also, if you pick an even number in the 20s (20-26) then you have a real good chance of winning. Baby is also convinced that Howie Mandel gives the contest hints my making the sligtest of gestures that she, bt no one else has been able to notice and decipher. She has been this taken by a game show since Millionaire (which is the same thing for all of the other fans of DoND) and she really brightens up when this show comes on. Just so you know, she calls it the Gamble Show (because I guess the title they already have isn't as specific).

Anyway, I recently tried to film her expalining the game to us, with Brother trying to ask her how the game is played. In these two clips that follow, you not only get to see the hilarity that comes with living with her (like made up stories) but you also get to see the awful dowsnisde of what I have to live through everyday (like for instance how she somethimes thinks that my brother and I are girls). It's a win-win situation for everyone but my family. Please enjoy.

Here is the first video (with transcript that you don't have to send away for!) which is basically just us trying to get her thought on how you play the game on film (and just so you know, Brother does understand how to play the game):



Brother: Nana. Nana.
Baby Lentini: What? (laughs)
B: How do they play this game?
BL: Is that who? Her?
My Mom: Put your legs down, she can't hear.
John (Me): She can't tell if you're a man or not with your legs in the air.
B: How do they play this game?
BL: But you know what...
Mom: Brother wants to know how the game is played. Tell him how it is played.
JD: HOW DO YOU PLAY THE GAME?! Tell Brother how you play the game.
BL: Oh! His birthday isn't (now?)?
Mom: No, Brother doesn't understand the game.
BL: Happy No Deal!
JD: How do you play the game?
B: HOW?!?! How do you play the game?
BL: I don't know. The very first game they ever had was a girl...a young girl, 20 years old...she was getting ready to be married. She says that everybody stole their money and everything. I don't know, she just...and didn't she win the money! She won the million dollars. She was the number one, first. I have a feeling that the show people helped her on that because she said she had all that money saved and someone took it.
JD: So is Deal or No Deal fixed? Is the game fixed?

It cuts off there. Just so you know, the story about the young girl never happened. In fact, the most that somebody has won on the show I believe is $464,000. Sorry about all the screaming, but it's the only way she can hear us, and she still doesn't most of the time. The second clip consists of Baby talking about who she would take as a guest on the show if she was a contestant (we can only hope!). You should be able to hear this clearly, so there is no transcript:



So, there you go. Number 100 ladies and gents. It's been a wild (and by wild, I mean slow and rarely updated) ride. As of now, The Baby Files are going back into the vault, and may never appear again, like your favorite Disney classic movie on DVD. Thanks for reading, and I'll leave you with a list of questions (with one observation) that Baby asked my parents when they got back from their trip to Rome two weeks ago.

- Was it cold?

- Was it crowded?

- Are the buildings over there very huge?

- They say the Italians talk fast and they walk even faster.

- How's the bacon?

STAY TUNED: We'll be Talkin' Talkies tomorrow.

Talkin' Talkies (6/9/06)

Welcome to a brand new weekly segment here at Failure's Art called Talkin' Talkies. Basically every Thursday or Friday I will write my reviews of the new movie releases of the week. The catch is that every review I make will be before I actually see the movie. I will determine my thoughts on each film based on what I've seen in the trailer or in commercials and then I will tell you if I think it's worth seeing or not. Also, if you think the title is kinda lame, say in a 1920s reporter's voice and you'll know why I'm going with it. People just don't use the word "talkie" enough to describe movies anymore. It's a real shame, pal. I don't know what I'm gonna do though if they ever release another silent film.

The Omen

What It Is: There should be a horror movie about awful things that happen to people who make horror remakes. I doubt that I'm the only one who is sick of all of these dumb horror movies whether they're remakes of classic horror movies from the 1970s, or from Japan, or sequels. However, these movies seem to have a large audience which is something I just can't understand. I don't think I know anyone who likes to go see these movies, yet I also don't know anyone who watches CSI and it's still the most watched show on television (I can't even begin to tell you how much that angers and confuses me). What fries my beans though is the fact that the only reason that this movie was remade was so they could release it on 6/6/06. Who is going to go out to see this movie when they can just rent the original or watch it on TV. I mean, I like Liev Schreiber a lot, but having him star in the remake of The Omen is like having Rowan Atkinson star in a remake of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad (4 mads) World. Oh wait, they did that too, didn't they?

What I Like: The kid who plays Damien seems to really want to kill his mother (Julia Stiles) which I am all for. Not matricide, mind you, but Stilesicide.

What I Don't: Julia Stiles keeps her horror movie streak alive by appearing in yet another film with Julia Stiles in it. I seriously can't look at her or listen to her speak without wanting to eat my own eyeballs. You really have to hand it to the producers on this one - they knew that there was a chance that this movie wouldn't be scary, so they brought in the safety school equivalent of awful and hideous actresses to play a lead and scare the audience regardless. Well played, The Omen. Well played indeed.

What I Think: Rent the original. If your online rental site of choice happens not to have the original in stock, and if you still want to be scared, then go watch The Prince & Me or Mona Lisa Smile instead. Those two shouldn't let you down.

Will I See It?: Nope.



A Praire Home Companion

What It Is: Robert Altman's movie version of Garrison Keillor's weekly radio show that I think I've probably heard once or twice in its 30+ years on the air. Though this movie probably makes more sense for people who are older than me to enjoy, I have liked the commercials that I've seen for this and also the trailer because it's nice to escape into an old-timey world every now and then.

What I Like: Robert Altman is one of the great directors of all time and I have enjoyed his films in the past, and I especially like the dialouge, and the fact that he always has a cast that knows how to handle his style. For example, I was won over on this talkie when I saw Kevin Kline's character say to a pregnant Maya Rudolph's character: "You might think about cutting down on the deserts, and also possibly sex with men."

What I Don't: Lindsay Lohan is in this movie (which wouldn't bother me that much if it wasn't during her Skeletor days) which sucks only because she now takes herself seriously as an actor because she worked with Robert Altman and Meryl Streep, among others. If that isn't bad enough, she also sings in this movie which can't be good. Fortunately though, the songs seem to be about subjects that don't involve her being annoyed about the paparazzi.

What I Think: I'm actually intrigued about this movie because of the director, the cast, and the overall look of things. The only thing that might hold me back from seeing this is the chance to spite the now "serious" Lohan, much like how I want to see The DaVinci Code (though I haven't read it and never will) just to spite the Catholic Church.

Will I See It?: Possibly.



Cars

What It Is: Pixar's newest awesome looking (graphics-wise) summer blockbuster that will most likely be nominated for Best Animated Feature and next years Oscar's though it actually doesn't look that good. The movie stars Owen Wilson and Paul Newman (he's primarily an actor people!) according to the billboard that I drive by on the NJ Turnpike everytime I drive up to New York, and it will definitely win the box office for a couple of weeks and then hold steady for a while after that. The problem is that I'm just not as excited about seeing this as I was about Finding Nemo and The Incredibles. I'm just not that interested in cars, even if they do talk.

What I Like: This movie will be great for kids and I'm sure that their parents will enjoy parts of it too. The animation also looks as good as ever, but at parts of commercials I've seen the wheels look weird because it looks like they might double as hands at times. Also, is it just me, or shouldn't the eyes of the cars be the headlights and not the windshields? I mean, I know that fish don't have eyebrows, and that toys can't talk, but let's be realistic here.

What I Don't: Cars are good for getting you from one place to another and as serving as a last resort for a bed for those who are recently homeless, or those who are too drunk to drive home. Other than that, I just don't get the appeal of cars, especially on the TV or movie screen, unless of course we're talking about KIT, or Doc Brown's Delorean. Also, it looks like this eventually turns into a NASCAR movie, which I guess makes sense if you're a small car with big dreams, but since I am a human who hates NASCAR, I just can't get too excited about that potential development.

What I Think: Though it doesn't look as good as Pixar's previous work, I'll probably wind up seeing it at some point out of respect to what came before it, which is kind of like what's happening to Pearl Jam right now.

Will I See It?: Probably on DVD.



Finally, each week I will also give you a heads up on what DVDs will be out the following Tuesday (though without reviews cause that will take too long).

Notable Talkies on DVD next Tuesday (6/13): Dave Chappelle's Block Party / Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang / Princess Bride Special Edition

DVD Pick of the Week (6/13): Neil Young: Heart of Gold



TVD Pick of the Week (6/13): Walker, Texas Ranger: Season One (not the best season, but at least they're getting the ball rolling).



Until next Friday.

JUST SO YOU KNOW: My next post is #100. Look for it early next week.

Apocalypse Nowish

I know that I've been especially bad with posting lately, so I just wanted to come on and mention a few things.

1.) Yes, I am still alive, however, none of us my be later on tonight depending on what you believe. Just so you know, if the apocalypse only directly affects me, I want all of you out there to grieve me for as long as humanly possible. I say this becuase you always here people say that when their mother or father dies that they would have wanted them to show up for work the next day. This is not the case for me. If I die tonight I want the rest of you to take off from work for as long as you want. If you really respect me then you will fulfill my dying wish. Some of you even have my permission to quit and build a statue in my honor. You will however then have to cover up the statue come nightfall every night becuase I am scared to death of statues at night. Please respect my statue wishes.

2.) I just came back from Best Buy where I went to pick up the second season of Rescue Me on TVD. Rescue Me by the way is quickly become one of my favorite shows and it looks like it will soon be joining Arrested Development, Lost, and Big Love at the top of my list even though I just bought season one last week and am still only eleven episodes into the series (also, I don't get FX). It's quite an accomplishment. Anyway, I normally know what I want when I go to Best Buy, but I also like to look over the new releases and then snake through the aisles in the same order every time. I'm weird, get over it. Normally I can dismiss the employees when the come up and ask if I'm looking for anything, by just syaing that I'm looking around or whatever. This didn't really work today because the guy who came up to me apparently was bullet-proof. Here's the conversation that followed:

Best Buy Guy: You looking for anything specific today?
Me: No, just looking around.
BBG: Because a bunch of new releases came out today.
Me (while standing in front of the new releases section): Oh really?
BBG: Yeah, like Firewall, Glory Road, Underworld: Evolution.
Me: Ok.
BBG (enthused): Have you seen Underworld?
Me: Nope.
BBG (extremely enthused, slightly confused): Oh wow, I can't believe you haven't seen it. It's so awesome - it's got vampires and werewolves and stuff. There's so much action.
Me: Yeah, I haven't seen it.
BBG: Did you see the first one?
Me: No, I never did.
BBG (so enthused that he's close to wetting himself): Oh man, well you gotta see it. You should get them both. They're so awesome. But seriously, you need to see the first one before the second one. You can get them both if you want.
Me: We'll see.

I know I'm pale (ok, really pale) but can one really assume that someone else is that interested in vampires? You can go around all day and judge people and make assumptions - which I'm totally cool with - but it's almost impossible to go out that far on a limb and assume that a guy in his 20s who isn't dressed like one of the Goth kids from South Park is that interested in vampires. Just so you know, I do in fact like vampires (but only if Joss Whedon or Bram Stoker are involved and even that has more to do with the writing and not any siginificant love for the undead) and I also like werewolves (considering that from the ages of 10-15 I was one every Halloween), but I have no interest in the Underworlds, and now I'm kinda scared to go back to Best Buy, especially if that guy is working there.

3.) I would be very upset if the world did in fact end tonight because then not only will I not be able to get to my 100th post (this is #98) but I won't be able to get to go to what I'm deeming Concert Week next week. If the world makes it past tonight then next week I will get to go see Sonic Youth on Wednesday night, Sam Roberts on Thursday night, and  Tilly and the Wall next Friday night which is also my birthday (Silver Anniversary). So, Jesus, if you're still reading, please hold off on the apocalypse for a little while longer and I'll build a statue in your honor, but it will only be visible during the day.

OH YEAH: I'm acutally going to try to write a lot now that Brother is back up in New York and my new roommate is 86 years old. So, look forward to more posts soon, and especially look forward to #100 which will be a special surprise for all of you out there in radio land. A blast from the past if you will. More specifically, a retired/dead blast from the past.