Not So Random Thoughts Vol. I

Stop the presses folks. It looks like I'm keeping a soft promise. This is a historic day for all of us here at FA and I'm happy we get to share it with you. As for this post, it's just gonna be a bunch of short thoughts that aren't worthy of a longer entry. In other words, it's the perfect way for me to say as much as possible while also being as lazy as possible. This might just be the start of a long friendship.

- I only just recently found out that I've been spelling "impostor" wrong my whole life, which makes me a spelling impostor.

- Ask any of my college roommates, or my brother, and they would tell you that I said they should've killed off Tony Soprano at the end of season four. So, they come about as close as possible to doing that so far and what happens? Well, in my opinion, the second episode of the season was the best one that I can remember in a long, long time and it looks like the third episode might be even better. What happened at the end of the first episode saved the seires.

- In related news: Sal Paolantonio - Gay?

- Does any name sound weirder if you drop the "ie" at the end of the name than Scott Pippen?



- I'm sure you know this, but Donald Trump has named his brand new, state-of-the-art, number one in the ratings baby son, Barron. My question is, are you sure that Donald Trump was the one who named this baby? The Donald Trump I know would have named his baby, Trump Trump, instead of Barron Trump. I think Donald Trump is really dead and some lookalike has taken his place. Remember, this is the guy who named water after himself. Something fishy is going on here. I'm gonna have to start playing the most recent Apprentice episodes backwards to look for clues.

- Is there something wrong with me because I kind of want to see that Stay Alive movie?

- The only reason that I would ever become a doctor would be for the white doctor jackets with the pocket cut-outs that go directly through to your pants' pockets. I call them "dockets."

- By the way, since I met Kyle Korver the Sixers are on a one game winning streak, and the man himself scored 23 points while going 6-7 from three point range. What's up, Kyle.

- I gave up eating meat on Fridays for Lent. Yes, I realize that you're not supposed to eat meat on Firdays during Lent in the first place. I'll have you know that I've always ignored that rule. So, technically I'm giving up ignoring Lent's biggest rule for Lent. I guess I'm still one in the hole.

- The lameness of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and Jay Leno in general, can all be summed up by his outro music. Well, there's that and the fact that he only wears jean shirts and jeans when he's not on the air.



- Has there ever been a good movie that has used that "Taking Care of Business" song, or the song where that guy screams, "Hey! Hey! Hey! HEY!" in the trailer, or TV commercials?

- Speaking of that, for the new Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, is he supposed a cable guy or a health inspector? Maybe he's both a cable guy AND a health inspector. Am I the only one confused by this? I bet you a billion dollars that this trash makes at least twice as much money as Serenity made in the box office. I hate America by the way.

- One of the best things about dogs is that they believe in magic. Illusions, Michael. Illusions.

- It's nice to see that Queen Latifah is playing herself in the upcoming Ice Age 2: The Meltdown movie.

- The number one, non-testicle related injury that I fear most would have to be a paper cut on the eyeball.

- Why is it good luck if a bird poops on you, and not good luck when a bird poops on your car? Cars move a lot faster than humans. Also, I wish my wiper fluid thingy wasn't broken.

- Speaking of question marks, why doesn't English adopt the Spanish upside down question mark, or exclamation point at the beginning of the written sentence? Do you know how much easier reading would be if we did this? I think it would be awesome! Just think if I was able to do it for those last three sentences. You wouldn't be nearly as confused as you are now.

- If I could murder one smile, it would be this guy's:



- The only thing that's more contagious than yawning is AIDS, and I could even debate that if I had to.

- If Amanda Bynes looks like a boy, then I'm sober. So who else gets that reference?



- Whatever momentum or credibility Saturday Night Live gained earlier this season, it lost as soon as Maya Rudolph came back.

- Since Carson Daly moved his show to LA it has actually become kinda good. Now it's still not great in any sense, but he's moving in the right direction. I still don't like the guy, but the show is improving. Before you jump all over me, let me remind you that it was Jim Magee who once said, "I feel honored that Carson Daly is a part of my generation."



- So I watched my first episode of Criss Angel: Mindfreak about a month ago on A&E (listen to the song when his webpage loads, it's almost T.O. good). In the episode, he drove Mandy Moore's car (with her in the passanger seat) while blindfolded through a busy LA neighborhood. Not only was the show amazing, but they also randomly interview magic experts, and one of the guys said the following on Criss Angel, "he definitely has powers, but I don't think he has psychic powers." I wish I had my high school senior quotes back. I think I might get this DVD by the way. This guy is off-the-charts unintentionally hilarious.

- I used the contaction "not've" for "not have" the other day in an AIM conversation. I'm changing the way we write English one day at a time.

- I've learned two very important things from watching the commercials during the NCAA Tournament this past week, and the Winter Olympics last month. Here they are:

1.) NCAA Tourney - The correct way to pronounce the word "realtor" is "real-TOR."
2.) Winter Olympics - All Olympians work at the Home Depot.

- Finally, and I know it's been said elsewhere, but why did Edgar Stiles get the silent clock when he died at the end of 24 two weeks ago, but Tony Almeida not get one when he died at the end of last week's episode? Edgar was a big, fat, lispy waste of everyone's time. The only thing that ever happened to him on the show was when his mother died. Meanwhile, Tony Almeida is arguably tougher than Jack Bauer. Did Jack ever get shot in the ear on the job, and then be back in action not two and a half hours later? Tony also got blown up in the first episode of this season, in the same explosion that killed his wife, and was back and ready to go in half a day. Tony was also the closest thing that Jack had to a best friend, plus he's been on the show from the beginning. All Edgar ever did was act stupid and get on everyone's nerves while wearing some ugly flannel shirt. If you're gonna start throwing silent clocks around, 24, please give it to characters who deserve them like President Serrano, or Tony Almeida. Even Sean Astin's character deserved a silent clock before Edgar. I better stop now. It's just that I really hate Edgar, and I could not've been happier when he died. I'm sorry if I've scared you.

Edgar doesn't even fit in the frame:



- That's all I got.