Failure's Art: This Is Not An Exit

Since the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode has not yet aired, it's still technically ok for me to give you my Halloween recap from this year. I figured that since every television show in history has had some sort of Halloween episode then it would be fine if I had one too no matter how late. This was the first year (since the 9 year run in the 1990s of me being a werewolf) in many that I actually wanted to dress up for Halloween and go all out. Over the last couple years I either put on an Irish hat and went as "an Irish guy," or put on a yellow STAFF jacket and went as "an Event Staff guy." This year I wanted to do something different for a change - I wanted to wear a suit.

In case you didn't know, I like to wear suits. I love the structure and the feel, and I just feel really comfortable in jackets and ties. In high school for example, I never took off my jacket or tie while I was on school grounds unless I was playing ping pong or some other physical game during lunch. If it was socially acceptable, I'd seriously conisder wearing a suit everyday for no reason at all. Yes, I realize that I could wear a suit everyday if a got a normal job like a business man or a lawyer and that there's nothing socially unacceptable about that, but I don't want to have a job where I need to wear a suit everyday. I'm in a really tough position as you can see. Plus, if you consider the fact that I only have one suit (soon to be two) and that it isn't even mine, then you can see just how rough my life is. I'll give you a moment to feel my pain. Ok, ready?

There was another important factor for my Halloween costume this year. I wanted to be a character that I liked from a television show, movie, or book, that isn't overly popular or well known or instantly recognizable except to the people who are also fans of that specific character. The advantage of this is that it weeds out a whole bunch of people that I don't care about while at the same time forms an instant connection with someone who gets the reference. I also wanted to throw in little details about the character that the fans would appreciate, because I like specific and subtle details. Just so you know, I was also willing to spend no more than twenty dollars on this costume.

The way I saw it, this left me two options for my Halloween costume suit spectacular. The first was that I could buy a skunk tail and wear it and go as a Skunk Person like the guys from Stella (who share my love of suits) seen in video right here:

In keeping with the character, I would've just talked a bunch of know-it-all, goofy nonsense in conversations at the bar (drinking beer) randomly shouting "YAY!," or "Who iiiisss it?," while dancing like an idiot. This I thought was a good idea because I could just basically play my fun and weird side out in public that few rarely get to see. So Saturday afternoon, I went to a local Halloween store where I had the following conversation with a lady who worked there:

Me (while nodding with my hands together in a begging manor): Excuse me, do you have a skunk tail by any chance?
Her (with the stare of death on her face): Um, no.

So that idea was dead.

My second option was to go as Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. Since I don't look much like Christian Bale, but I am white and in my twenties, I decided to go as the book version and not the film version. I pretty much knew all along that this was who I would be because this was the easier of the two options that I came up with on such short notice. All I had to do to be Bateman was slick my hair back, buy a fake knife, make up business cards, drink J&B on the rocks, confuse white guys with other white guys while dispensing valuable information about pocket squares, and act like I'm better than everyone else but this time with psychotic undertones. So, while I was at the Halloween store, I picked up a bloody fake knife where the blood moves inside the blade like those pens where the lady undresses if you hold it a certain way, or those freezable ice cups you put upside down in the freezer. After that I went to Staples and bought business cards to take home and print Bateman's information. The total cost of my costume (if you don't include the suit) was about eleven dollars. Perfect.

So, as you can imagine, the night was a total success costume-wise. I went over to meet FART member Mike at his house (who went as Flavor Flav) and we met up with a bunch of people down at Finnegan's Wake, even though I wanted to go to Dorsia. I had a good time bing Bateman even though they didn't have any J&B there for me to drink. The whole night I got to stand around and act like I was better than everyone else (which I do normally anyway) except every now and then I would hand out my business card and randomly stab people repeatedly. The ironic twist of the night was that Patrick Bateman would never hang out with Flavor Flav, and would probably kill him instantly (or not, depending on what you think happens towards the end of the book/film). If I truly wanted to be in character I would've wound up having a threesome while flexing in the mirror to the music of Genesis, and carving up their bodies afterwards. Since I'm such a nice guy though, I only killed a homeless guy and a cab driver and did some coke in the bathroom.

Here are some pictures:

"Because I want to fit in":