Out Where?

I originally intended during the Oscars last night to sit down and write any observations that I had so I can just put them up here for you to read. However, a few minutes in I got a better idea. Enter Jack Duffy.

My father is one of the smartest people I know, and when I say smart, I completely mean book smart. If you want to know anything about politics, religion, grammar/word definition, history, or anything else like that, all you need to do is ask and you'll get the answer. When it comes to the rest of life however, he is completely clueless in a most hilarious way. He just doesn't really consider things like pop culture or entertainment worth knowing about, and you really can't blame him. You definitely can laugh at him, though. This is what I spend a lot of my time doing. He's basically Frasier Crane.

Just to give you an example, for 2 straight years, whenever he has heard the name Kevin Federline, he always asks who he is. While Federline isn't worth knowing (though now he can be classified as the talented and responsible one), you'd think that by asking the same question over one hundred times for two full years, you might retain the answer at least once. Well, not so much. Anyway, when nights like last night roll around, he's always good for a few dumb questions (that we all laugh at immediately, even him), and this time, I wrote them down.

Before we get to that though, I do have a couple of quick Oscar observations.

- Speaking of Peter O'Toole, I noticed the new fashion trend last night: The Dead Look. I spotted at least four brave corpses last night besides O'Toole:

Sherry Lansing



Ennio Morricone



That Lady Who Won Best Costume



and of course, James Taylor



- I did get something out of watching Ryan Seacrest yesterday though. He was so very bad. Consider these three lowlights:

1.) At one point while talking to Melissa Etheridge and her wife about shopping, he turned to the camera and said something along the lines of "see America, they do they're own shopping," meaning celebrities, and not lesbians like I'm sure everyone else thought he meant.



2.) Later on Seacrest told a Mexican actor, Gael García Bernal, that he "cleaned up nice." Terrible.



3.) Finally, towards the end of the broadcast while talking to Kate Winslet, he told her that he had a video message for her from "Ricky Jarvis," or as he is known to everyone else alive in the world, Ricky Gervais.

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And now for Jack Duffy's questions:

- When Maggie Gyllenhaal came out to talk about the Technical Awards she hosted he asked:

"Is she related to Jake Gyllenhal?"



- After the Dramgirls songs were performed (and the were kinda pitchy, dawg) this conversation happened:

Father: "Is whatshername dead?"
Mother: "Who?"
Father: "You know..."
Mother: "Diana Ross?"
Father: "Yeah."
Mother: "No."
Father: "Where is she?"

- When Al Gore came up with Leo DiCaprio, this brief conversation happened (and just so you know, he has seen An Inconvenient Truth):

Father: "What's he up for?"
Me: "Supporting Actor."
Father: "Oh, Inconvenient Truth, right?"
Me: "Good job."



- As Cameron Diaz walked out to present, this happened:

Father: "Is she still in the movies?"
Son: "Seriously?"
Mother: "She was just in one over Christmas."
Son: "Yeah, she does about three per year."
Father: "Oh."



- When Michael Arndt won for Original Screenplay as he walked up to accept over the PA a woman said that he had to quit his job as Matthew Broderick's assistant to write the script. My father was confused:

Father: "An assistant?"
Mother: "Yeah?"
Father: "An assistant for what?"
Me: "Magic."
Mother: "All celebrities have assistants."
Father: "They do?"
Mother: "Wow."

- Finally, while Melissa Etheridge was performing her song, he unbelievably asked:

Father: "Is she a lesbian?"
Me: "Oh my God."
Mother: "Ah, yeah, she's been out for about ten years now. Since the mid-90s."
Father: "Out where?"



I think we're going to have to start selling tickets.