Talkin' Talkies (12/8/06)

This is for you, Mo. I haven't done this in a while, and I've only done it once, so hopefully I can remember the format. In case you've forgotten, these are my reviews for movies I haven't read reviews about or seen - I only base my thoughts on the trailer, commercials, talk show interviews, and/or what the word is on The Street, cause I'm frequently on The Streets.

Apocalypto

What It Is: ***EASY JOKE ALERT*** Mel Gibson's vision on how the Jews were responsible for the end of the Mayan civilization. ***END EASY JOKE ALERT*** It also looks like there is more than enough odd body-piercing/painting, blood, and grunting involved.



What I Like: I liked Mel Gibson in Ransom (I may be the only one actually). I know that he didn't direct Ransom, but if Apocalypto is anything like it, then I'm gonna love it.

What I Don't: Apocalypto is apparently nothing like Ransom.

What I Think: I think that this should be a Ransom sequel.

Will I See It: I will see it when they GIVE ME BACK MY SON!

Bonus Mayan Fact: They're responsible for the inventions of camera cranes and boom mics.



Blood Diamond

What It Is: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Connelly, and Djimon Hounsou star in this film about the search for a rare diamond in Sierra Leone in the 1990s.

What I Like: I like Leonardo DiCaprio. This didn't hit me until about a month ago until after I saw The Departed. DiCaprio has turned out to be one of those Brad Pitt type guys who the male population doesn't really respect at first because all the ladies like him cause he broke into the scene as a pretty boy/heartthrob actor that women of all ages love. Then a few years go by and you realize that you like just about every single thing that he did after the movie that made him famous. Basically, I realized this with DiCaprio after I saw The Departed the same way I did with Pitt after Fight Club. Now, DiCaprio is as cool to me as Pitt is. Over the last couple of months I've watched The Aviator every time it's been on one of the HBOs, plus Catch Me IF You Can, plus The Man in the Iron Mask (which has every actor, ever, in it). I'm really very upset that it took me so long to have this epiphany, plus I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about this upcoming DiCaprio project. Also, Jennifer Connelly is in this movie, and since I am a man with eyes, plus quite possibly the BIGGEST Rocketeer fan alive, that only helps things out.

What I Don't Like: I thought after I saw the trailer that I wouldn't be able to get past DiCaprio's weird South African accent. After thinking some more though, I realized that I've been able to sit through 4 seasons of Nip/Tuck without Joely Richardson's weak American accent bothering me too much, and that actors using different accents isn't really much of a problem to me anymore. Unless, of course, you're Kevin Costner in Thirteen Days. All together now: "This isn't a pehmission slip! This is youaw repohhhhhhht cahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhdddd!"

What I Think: I think that this it is a really cool looking movie that goes a lot deeper into the conflict diamond crisis than the end of Lord of War (I think I like that movie too much) did and that people should go and see it.

Will I See It: Maybe on DVD.



The Holiday

What It Is: I know nothing about this movie other than the fact that it looks so very far beyond lame. Also, a clean-shaven/large-faced Jack Black is in it and I think Kate Winslett's character falls in love with him. Jack Black should never be allowed to not have facial hair. Next time this happens, he should be arrested.



What I Like: Nothing.

What I Don't Like: Everything.

What I Think: This is one of those movies where is seems like the trailer is just an endless parade of the four main characters smiling in slow-motion closeups. Those movies always turn out to be real winners.

Will I See It: Only if I can be water-boarded at the same time to lessen the pain.

Unaccompanied Minors

What It Is: A movie about kids who get stranded in an airport and learn the true meaning of Christmas or something. Young Chris Rock and Wilmer Valderrrammmma are in it, plus Lewis Black (who my dad calls Lou Black because I guess they're old friends) as some evil airport guy (I think) who will most likely get a snowball in the face at some point (there is a possibility that a dog will also bite his testicles).

What I Like: I like that one of my favorite humans, Paul Feig, got paid for directing this movie.



What I Don't Like: That Paul Feig had to direct this movie instead of working on producing Season Eight of Freaks and Geeks, or directing episodes of Season Four of Arrested Development. At least he gets to direct The Office sometimes.

What I Think: This has quite possibly the worst title of all time. Even Kids Stranded in an Airport would've sounded better, but I guess no one would greenlight an airport related movie with such a stupid title.

Will I See It: I will only see this movie in an airport or on an airplane. It at least has to be better than The Terminal, right?

DVD Pick of the Week (12/12):

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (Four-Disc Extended Edition)



TVD Pick of the Week (12/12):

Pinky and the Brain, Vol. 2. It came out on Tuesday, so it's not technically next week, but it's world's better than any of next Tuesday's releases. Poit!