(gangster), or Fun with Wikipedia

Seeing as how the internets has been around for a long time now, I'm 100% certain that everyone out there has "Googled" themselves at some point. If the Google picture history of my name is the same as everyone else's out there then I'm sure that the results you've gotten (regardless of your gender) has been a bunch of 50-something white guys who are either professors or composers (like any one of these winners who share my name). Aside from Googling yourselves, you faithful readers out there may have even tried to see what celebrities you may look like at myheritage.com which I wrote about last year. While that's all well and good, I didn't think of looking up my name on Wikipedia until about two weeks ago.

In case you didn't know (and I'm sure many of you might agree), if I was forced at gunpoint to pick only one website to look at for the rest of my life than it would easily be Wikipedia. I seriously spend about 2342% of my internet usage (is that really how you spell "usage" - it's really a word that should only be said - I'm sure it doesn't even look right in sign language) on that website. I'm definitely one of those suckers who clicks on every highlighted word and winds up reading about Montana's State Flower or Domain Theory for no apparent reason. Well, for some reason, it took me a very long time to type in my own name, and since it's obvious that I'm dedicating a post to it, you can imagine that the results were either hilarious or extremely disturbing (or both!).

Out of the three links that work for the name "John Duffy" two of them were/are criminals and the other was a Reverend (and Lord only knows what that guy was up to). In chronological criminal order, the first John Duffy was a Philadelphian (yay!) mobster and hitman who was a member of Chicago's North Side Mob in Chicago in the 1920s who killed his wife (boo) and was murdered in 1924 because his fellow gangsters thought he could prove to be a rat. Ouch.

The second John Duffy is a notorious British rapist from the 1970s and 80s who was part of a two man rape squad known as the Railway Rapists who got caught and went to prison and eventually ratted out his partner from behind bars during his life sentence. Uh-oh.

In case you haven't noticed by now (and I'm only talking to the blind here since this website is not yet available in Braille) 66.66666667% of the previous famous John Duffys out there are psychopaths, not to mention lousy rat stoolies. As a result, I am now taking it upon myself as my most important mission to become the most famous non-psychotic/non-Reverend, John Duffy on Wikipedia. I'm giving myself two years to become famous enough to make it on my own onto Wikipedia. If that doesn't happen, then I'm looking to you beautiful and nicely proportioned readers of mine out there to pull a Colbert/elephant/Wikipedia stunt to make me the most famous/sane John Duffy on the world wide web. Here's an example of something you could write about on my created Wikipedia entry:

John Duffy (b. June 16, 1981 - d. not quite yet) is so totally not a serial rapist or gangster from Philadelphia who enjoys David brand sunflower seeds (Ranch & BBQ oh yeah), throwing things that people ask for from across the room instead of handing it to them, and who coined the now famous valediction "goodbydios" (which combines the popular American word "goodbye" with the equally popular Spanish word "adios") in the summer of 2002.

If you guys can make this happen then I will seriously consider never ratting you out. Goodbydios!

IN OTHER WIKIPEDIA NEWS: I didn't find out until yesterday that Stephen Hawking was British. This may not come as a shock to many of you, but it certainly did to me. For all these years he's been speaking with a computer voice with an American accent. Since he is the second smartest human alive (the first can be seen here), shouldn't he have been able to come up with a British accent for his computer voice? I don't know if I've ever felt so cheated or disgusted. We seriously should start questioning this guy's credibility.

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE SONG OF THE MOMENT: George Harrison's, "Beware of Darkness." If I got that song pregnant, I would totally do the right thing and marry it.