Too Legit 2 Quit - The Remix, featuring Jesus

I hate to get back to religion in yet another post because it’s a very personal issue that many people take very seriously while many others take it for granted. Like many normal people out there, I fall somewhere in between those two options. I find it very hard though to not laugh at those who do take it way too seriously, especially when they have taken over one of my favorite local television stations. That’s right, it’s official – the Jesus Freaks that I mentioned a few posts ago have now completely taken over the beloved (by me and only me) Channel 48 WGTW in Philadelphia. The name of this made-over channel is now the Trinity Broadcasting Network or INRI (just kidding, TBN) has apparently been around for 31 years which I was able to figure out from their slogan: “Celebrating 31 years of God’s miracles.” Wait, hold up. I’m pretty sure God’s been performing miracles for over 31 years, right? Maybe I’m wrong. Anyway, I was watching TBN again late last night for some reason when I came across what is right now my favorite show on that channel, Hammer And Friends. The Hammer the title refers to is of course, MC Hammer, who needs no introduction. Hammer is a now die-hard Jesus fan after losing millions of dollars, doing tons of drugs, and most likely impregnating thousands of women. I guess Hammer didn't want his last significant piece of work to be the song, "Pumps and a Bump". Needless to say these born-again types are the greatest examples of what it means to be a Christian, and we should all follow the paths that they took to get to where they are today just so we can be on their same level of righteousness. They are the true Christians, remember that. The first half of this 30 minute show consisted of musical acts where Hammer would dance around singing backup parts to gospel singers. The whole time Hammer would say things like “yeah” and “come one” and “halleujah” and “that’s right!” After the musical part was over Hammer got up to the podium and preached to everyone. There would be nothing funny about this if Hammer took the time to shower after the dancing segment part of the taping. Instead, I can only assume that he went backstage, changed clothes, grabbed a towel, and then went back out to preach. For the final fifteen minutes of the episode Hammer was constantly toweling off his face cause he was sweating so much. Unfortunately, he could do nothing for the giant sweat stain on the top half of his shirt. Lucky for you, and for me, I took many pictures of the preaching segment and I will post them with the captions of things he actually said under the pictures and I hope you can see all the sweat. One more thing before the photos – Hammer’s backup dancers are called, Ministry in Motion.


"We encounter problems everyday, like fighting demons, and women talking like men." 
"God does not slack concerning his promises." 


"You have to be born first before you can be born again." 


"Hold on a second." 


"Heaven is billions of miles away from Earf." 


"Count your victories in the name of Jesus." 


"Get your own air and THEN breathe on somebody!" 


"Stand on yo' feet!" 


"They said, 'Hammer don't hurt 'em!' But I had to hurt them . . . with the truth." 


"Until next time . . . HAMMER TIME!"