Election Fortnight 2004

Welcome to Election Fortnight 2004, Failure's Art's round the clock coverage of what is bound to be one messy affair. Just think, at midnight tonight we may only be two weeks away from finding out the next President of these United States. The first post of Election fortnight 2004 will consist of what my voting experience was like today. Here we go.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 AM to get ready to go out to vote with my parents. You're probably thinking, "well why did he wake up so early to vote when he could've just voted later in the afternoon?" The answer to this important question is that since I am very easily intimidated and afraid of all that society has to offer I wanted to have my parents for safety just in case any crazy lawyers were there to stalk me like my dog Fenway does to my father during every meal and in this picture below.


Vote for my candidate and then give me some stuffing. 

Another reason I got up so early to vote is because I thought there were going to be lines all the way to New Jersey and I didn't want to stand there by myself with no one to hear my jokes and insults of random people. As it turns out, there really was no line at our Polling Place and we were out of there in about ten minutes. Also, why is it called the Polling Place? They couldn't have come up with something better like The Vote Zone, or The Place Where Hope Goes To Die And Your Deepest Fears Are Made Real. I took a picture of the line, but my camera was only half out of my pocket because I was nervous that someone would see it and then disqualify my vote, like it even matters in the first place.


The line was shorter and more blurry than I thought it would be 

The actual voting booth (which you can see in the top right corner of my beautiful picture above) was actually pretty easy to use, well for me anyway. I heard a couple people ask for help before I went inside, which kinda scared me at first until I realized that I'm not retarded or old and that I could figure it out on my own. Once inside my goal was for all of the races where I didn't know the names of anyone or what they were running for, then I would just pick the funniest name. There weren't any hilarious names but there were some good ones that I'll relay to you tomorrow after I find out the results so I will have the names spelled correctly. I do remember that the funniest name was from some lady running for some office as a representative of the Construction Party, which is actuality called the Constitution Party. I like my version better. While leaving the Polling Place I thought about what people said you're supposed to feel like after you vote (and no, this is not my first time voting). They say you're supposed to feel all proud and empowered (if that's a real word) but all I felt was a little gassy. This all changed though on the walk back to the car when I got excited because I realized that at that moment it was the longest time in between voting for me. It also dawned on me I could now go home and go back to sleep. I'm not really a morning person. In fact, I'm not much of an early afternoon person either. Here's photographic proof of my bliss:


I can go back to sleep! Yay! 

When I got back home I walked in on Fenway who was asleep on the sofa with her tounge sticking out of the front of her mouth since she's down to about her last five teeth. She didn't seem worried at all that she didn't vote. Vote or Die doesn't apply to dogs, does it?


Vote or Die or Sleep. 

So now we wait. If I lose again this time then I'm never voting again, and that's even if Santa Claus somehow finds a way onto the ticket.

THING I LIED ABOUT RECENTLY: A Halloween recap post.